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Marquito's Spot"I Know I'm Going to Die So My Revenge Is Living Well" 26/8/2007 25Yes she used to,
I guess I did too,
as if for a moment I could get way up high
shake up the past, be part of the sky
But then again you can't take my soul away
never gonna be nobody anyway,
So as if 25 was all that was left,
then 26 would be a rest
as if storms would chose to strike
in only a perfect day, a lovely night
Then I guess life made me prepare
for the things I wanted and things I heard swear
not for a moment fooling my own heart
one day you're together, the next you part
14/8/2007 10 Reasons (not) to QuitFirst, you're never too sure of what tomorrow will bring.
Second, it's never a guarantee that you'll actually be here tomorrow.
Third, sometimes you win, sometimes you don't and that's a fact.
Fourth, there's no such thing as being happy all the time. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down.
Fifth, you're only getting older every day.
Sixth, if you ever lose the ability - or never had such thing - to laugh of yourself, then you're in for a hard time.
Seventh, you'll never be absolutely sure of anything all the time. Sometimes you're pretty sure, sometimes you're pretty sure it's not.
Eighth, there'll always be people you trust that will fail you and there will always be others who will be there in your toughest hour.
Ninth, things such as fashion clothing, big expensive cars and everything that will change the way you think or feel about yourself are not quite the same as buying yourself a way to be happier.
..the last one will be in the form of a question. What have you done to change your life today? 9/8/2007 No Regrets9th of August and I've lost count of how many days have gone by without a hug, a kiss or a friendly word in person.
It's a strange thing, when you've lost count. Somehow it makes time so small and relative, as if every single day was a replica of the day before.
Can't say I'm lost or confused either as things do usually turn out just fine, but the single idea that in three weeks I might be out of here is in a way as scary as having the same day after day for I don't know how much longer.
It's in moments like these, where we all need a friend, a shoulder, an advice that every "friend" is missing, having their own Summer fun, oblivious from what you're going throug and better - not even making the slightest effort to find out.
Loved you all, now I'm gone! 31/7/2007 Beautiful people, twist up in arms and dive! A.K.A. the reason why I love to keep my old cd's.
I have this theory:
Some day, when I'm older, I'll be able to be surrounded by my kids and rest of the family but also by the books and albums that in some way made me feel a certain way when I was younger.
That's the point about this post, where I share with you all some of which I think are some of the best, most energic and reactive musics that were ever produced in the end of the 20th Century.
It's somehow strange these days to turn on MTV and only see what I could qualify as.. well, not-so-interesting-music which leads me immediately to Zapping, reading or just breathe for a more fun and proefficient time than listening to "M'a bling yo, m'a big car, yo" or "Don'tcha wish your ass was firm like mine" and such quality lyrics that make me feel as if I was depromoted to worm status and now single-cell organisms are all considered "Artists" that create "Music"!
KoRn - Twist (Live)
Marilyn Manson - The Beautiful People
Foo Fighters - Up In Arms (Live)
Nirvana - Dive (Live)
As far as teenagers go in my teenage days, this is as messed up as it gets. To the grunge generation, these - Nirvana, Foo Fighters (I could include Bush too and a couple more) - are as good as it gets and are considered to be true legends. Hope you enjoyed some of my dusty musical memories. Stay tuned for some updates later on regarding dusty crochet suggestions and dusty news from 1850!!! 1/5/2007 Where?They say we're Humans. 29/4/2007 SparklingIs it cold outside your window?
The only thing connecting all our souls is this dark sheet and sparkling stars above our heads.
Ever missed something you never had?
Sure you did, I'm sure you have.
Hearts are pieces given away, some years ago, some today.
Ever wondered if that cold outside would take you high up, away?
And have you ever seen a set of eyes, sparkling as the skies?
Embebed in dark sheets, paradise. 24/4/2007 Unfinished flightsThere seems to exist two sorts of Angels.
White ones, associated with good, God, heaven, well-being, defenders of all kindness and good-will.
Their opposite, dark ones. Associated with luxury, rage, devastation of all that is pure and innocent.
I seem to slide between both.
As if it wasn't so obvious in my look that I am so much of both worlds, with so much passion, so much indifference. Somehow I tend to look above beyond the clouds, not contemplating the sky but something else I won't even bother to explain.
I always miss something. Someone. All and none.
The inquietude, my wings are there but I can't use them. 21/3/2007 I Support Johnny WhiteTake a second to visit, to listen and to feel inspired.
The future is in your hands, as well as the power to make dreams come true.
21/2/2007 4 a.m. . .I should be sleeping, I just don't want to.
Dreaming, I ought to.
I should stop reminding myself of all the casualties,
these so-called life's royalties,
fleeding around my waist,
If for a while I could feel its taste.
If for something not yet unseen,
trying too good, being too mean,
If then for nothing as it seems,
none are awake, all tangled up in dreams.
These eyes that soon enough will fade,
no matter how much I try to be awake,
will some night to come turn to shade,
to close within their smiling shape.
Most of these faces have too much lines,
from dusk to dawn, from truth to lies,
Though faces hide the final stand,
the real women, the real men.
In 7 minutes something I write,
about my time, about my fight.
In 7 minutes can I then say,
I've been alive, I've gone away. 31/1/2007 DillusionsIt's not as if eyelashes can lie but they do.
In between a blink or two, the looks we give, the words we choose.
Doors are open so we can walk by, sometimes a dream, sometimes a lie.
While entering in, a glance or two, a look above, a look for you.
You may have seen me there, someone new.
Look up to me, I'm missing too.
Though time may run, there's nothing to.
A place for me, a place for you.
Illusion calls by the end of the day.
And though it's late, you just can't stay.
Hour calls, my bed too.
A dream for me, a place for you. 8/1/2007 Taking TimeIt can't be all about love.
It can't be about friendship, life, money, smiles and tears.
It can't be all about those little things that qualify us as human, our tendency to emotionalize every single aspect of our existence.
To have a soul should be much more than we can possibly understand.
They say geniouses can change the world. I guess the world just pleeds for change once in a while, sucking in these people that call themselves geniouses.
Not every word is art, not every art has meaning nor does anything related to art needs to be complex. Complexity in art is nothing but an attempt to exclude the majority so that a minority can feel happy to understand something they usually don't.
I guess I can never try to be a genious. I don't like to make things too complex, too tight in people's minds. Damn, I don't even enjoy the fact that most people that consider themselves people per say act as if immortality was their special secret.
Well it's not. Well you'll die. Buried and forgotten forever.
Too cold, too realistic? Too selfish to put things the way they are, not painting the sky in bright magical colours?
Well I do paint things in magical colours. People, sometimes. Places, very often. Time, all the time.
You see it's all we've got.
Time, I mean.
Never sure how much, never too much anyway.
But it's all we've got to make a difference. Or no difference at all.
Because it can't be all about love, friendship, life, money, smiles and tears.
But it sure can't be all about time..
6/1/2007 BABELBabel, last night in the movies.
Somewhat an indecision between Night at The Museum and The Departed.
The night before I got to watch Apocalypto. Quite intense, quite a director, since I never trusted Mel's performance as an actor. Braveheart, The Patriot are way too much the same story in different times but still too tragical.
I guess Mel likes to portrait the world as a tragic place. To capture the true essence of things, the way they are. So what if in Apocalypto you see a baby hanging upside down being held in just one leg? So what if you get to see people being cut open with a knive, their hearts out in the open in the Holy Man's hands still pounding and then their heads chopped off? The body pushed down the pyramid's stairs and the head too.
Nobody ever said the world was all pink and rainbows.
It isn't.
If we need to feel somewhat shocked, it's not just because of the atrocities that happened hundreds of years ago.
It's because, while watching that same movie, I felt that somewhere in the world, these days, things like these happen for cruelty.
That's what we should really think about.
Babel was a dubious experience.
It's definetely a worthy movie.
Though I tend to look at it with my "director sense" instead of "audience sense", or at least I did it that way last night, I feel it's too much of an attempt to make a "good looking movie". What I mean is that you pick up three stories (four if you wish) in three different places of the world.
As you may or may not know, Babel is somewhat related to the Bible and to the city of Babilone, meaning confusion, regarding the confusion of languages.
The movie is, itself, a confusion of languages. Americans, Moroccans, Japanese and Mexican (English, Moroccan, Japanese and Spanish) are the languages present in this movie from the Mexican Director, Alejandro González Iñárritu, known for his movie 21 Grams or 11'09''01 a movie that called on 11 directors from 11 countries to present 11 different points of view from the 11/09 events. Genious.
Still regarding Babel, with Brad Pitt in an excellent role, it's a movie that indeed regards confusion in the form of language and culture.
Though it focuses on strong issues such as racism, discrimination, fear, betrayal and loneliness - among some other intense questions, it also tells us that there is only one true language that is understood no matter what you speak or in what culture you live in.
The language of love. 27/10/2006 So Often...Often, I don't see it when I've been wrong, And boy have I been wrong Often, I woun`t need it `till it's gone, But by then it's gone Often, I make the worst decisions Say that it's great when I know it isn't, so It's happening so.... Often Often, I won't wake up from a dream, You know I love to dream Often, I don't stand up for what I believe, There's nothing left to believe So often, I make the worst decisions, Say that it's great when I know it isn't, so it's happening so....often I often wish that you were here, I could know eventually Do Doo Do Doo Do Doo Do Yeah, Yeah Often, I don't see it when I've been wrong, And boy have I been wrong Often, I woun't need it `till it's gone, But by then it's gone Often, I make the worst decisions Say that it's great when I know it isn't, so It's happening so.... 29/9/2006 Johnny & JuneGo away from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed I'm not the one you want, babe I'm not the one you need You say you're lookin' for someone Who's never weak but always strong To protect you and defend you Whether you are right or wrong Someone to open each and every door But it ain't me babe No, no, no, it ain't me babe It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe Go lightly from the ledge, babe Go lightly on the ground I'm not the one you want, babe I'll only let you down You say you're lookin' for someone Who'll promise never to part Someone to close his eyes to you Someone to close his heart Someone to die for you and more But it ain't me babe No, no, no, it ain't me babe It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe You say you're lookin' for someone To pick you up each time you fall To gather flowers constantly And to come each time you call And will love you for your life And nothin' more ...It seems it was, after all... 16/9/2006 25th HourIt's now 25 and a while.
Not too much, just a while.
Been to three different Continents. Woke up in Sevilla, in Hong Kong, in the Caribbean more than once, in China, in Brazil, in Macau (oh Macau, how I miss Macau) and some other places. Sometimes I woke up alone, others not so much. Sometimes I woke up in love, other times not so much.
I've had blondes and brunettes, dark and bright eyes, I've had too much sexed up roulettes, I've had way too much free time.
I've been singing for more than 100, I've been singing for my own, I've been high drunken and buried, I've spent way too much time on my own.
I've never been too sorry, never made it all my fault, as the world just keeps on rollin' and this world is just my own.
I've made love, fucked and enjoyed it all. Slep with three in the same week and still never felt so alone.
If saints are not ashamed, then why should I feel blamed,
I live my life with no fault, my life is just my own.
Wrote a couple good things, a lot of crap too, never bothered with school that much, I like to live and sometimes I can be a fool. I've betrayed and been betrayed, I cried and cried I made. I don't regret a thing, my life is my crusade.
I called hookers my girlfriends, I've called motherfuckers my friends. I lied so many times, I paid for my own crimes.
Desired the forbidden, had the unexpected. Always had way too much reasons to smile, no matter how high I climbed.. and fell.
Not quite just flesh and blood, not quite just what you thought. Not much different anyway, not sorry, not today! 1/9/2006 StrangersIf for some reason we forget,
the ones we loved, the ones we met,
If for some reason we forget,
If for no reason we'll regret.
If for some time we can't obey,
the ones we love and to the things we pray,
In no time can we say,
that we'll never find a better way.
If for no reason we can't kiss,
the ones we love, the ones we miss,
Then for no time can we keep doing this,
living in pain, dying in bliss.
Note:
I don't live in pain. I don't miss. I don't forget, I don't regret, I don't take time to forgive the things in vain I give. I just like to write whatever the hell I feel like. No point, no address, no names, no meaning.
Nota:
Parabéns a nós querida! 9 meses e ainda lá em cima onde pertencemos ;) Je t'aime ma chérie!!!
30/7/2006 ImpossibleImpossibles are those little barriers you create around yourself to make you feel more real.
Impossible would be to wake someone from the dead.
Impossible would be to forget all the harm people do to you in your life.
Impossible is to grow wings and fly.
Impossible is to not dream of having those wings.
Impossible is to think that we're better than everyone else.
Impossible is to think we're not.
Impossible is a drop of water in the middle of a dry desert.
Impossible is a rainstorm in the middle of that world of sand.
Impossibles are little barriers you create around yourself to make you feel more real... 13/3/2006 Stylish Conscience24 years is not a lifetime, I am!
Yes, I am 24, and life still has a couple tricks waiting for me...
You know, once again it's all about timing. Even love, that thing that we all search for, supposedly associated partner of happiness is a question of timing. A corner a mere second too left and you just missed a chance, a shot on love. That's why it's so rare, why it's such an opportunity of chance to fall in love, to find the right person for you. It must mean something bigger draws us to each other.
You were a second too late, a corner too close but the timing was missed - I helped! - and yes, I thought and think about it but can we ever tell much from what we don't know?
No love comes without tears, without rage and no, I'm sorry, I don't know about tomorrow. I barely know about today as far as I'm concerned.
I had this dream:
An hispanic girl enters my room and looks me into the eyes - makes me feel that I'm her world - and I into hers. It's a sweet tender look that draws us close, a moment. And moments are all about that, a fling, that unforgetable moment where reality halts for a second and perfection is allowed into the world.
We then came close together but as we were drawn to touch each other, we both disappeared.
I guess I did disappear fisrt...
And life goes easy on me most of the time, as Damien so well sings.
I'm not that guy anymore, nor am I so different. I chose my own path and here I am. I feel so much better than so many "special" people I used to know in another lifetime. Don't get me wrong, some special ones are still in my heart, those special friends I had in some less happy days will remain in me.
I forgot and learned to forget, I don't care about my past - bartime stories that make people and myself laugh - and no, I don't even drink anymore. Nor do I smoke, I guess I'm just not me in so many ways - I guess I'm so much more.
To all that I matter to, I love you.
To all that envy me, somehow pretend to miss me, call yourselves friends without being, FUCK you!
That's about it... 27/9/2005 Start AgainDays that begin with the sense of displacement are never easy to get around.
As night was falling down and I was laying on my so very fashion sofa watching a vanilla sky - don't I love them too damn much? - I got to figure that it had been long since I had a day like that. No matter how supposedly depressed I was in any other time, that moment was the very peak of my lowdowns, of my moments to myself where I could just feel sorry for myself all day long - Well I didn't! Idiotic waste of time, moment of weakness, moment of pure egocentric emotion - I got up, took a shower, had something to eat and went out. Out because this week the new students arrive to my university and party won't stop - let's party then. Another beer, something else from a friend, a group of 15 girls grab me violently - they're being commanded by the older students that somehow found that funny - I drink another sip from my half torned glass of beer and ask "where are these from?" and just smile, no matter that I got all wet with beer, no, I smile because I'm winning, I've turned it around - I'm no longer laying down somewhere else to die.. I'm very well alive!! My eyes chase you around, even if I'll never get to know your name and you won't know mine and yes, I chase you because you've looked first, you had the innocence and arrogance of a compromising look and smile, now you're playing a game wthat will end with no winners, but I'll chase you as much as I'll make you chase me. Childish games... life's little pleasures!
Friends drop by and we laugh - we laugh because the music is corny, we laugh because it's been a while since we were all together, we laugh because there's a bit of beer and not just, we laugh because we're relaxed - and relaxation is in a way, hapiness.
I find ghosts of the past - of my own and the most important people that orbited my world - for just a moment I seem to watch myself in the middle of a crowd, 4 years ago - has it been that long? - just a newcomer to this place, all painted but still having fun, another freak in the world of freaks.
Time is this cruel and funny thing. It will never repeat moments you've had - and that you don't have the power to recreate on your own - and it will still bring you replays of the past with some adjusments. After all it's fun too because I can always find a new detail.
The night comes to an end and the road ahead is still a long one - 20m quick walking - time enough to balance my day, for another cigarette - won't you quit? - and to notice you've just forgot about your sadness, about the moment on the sofa watching the sky, about weakness.
The day was conquered, not by a dictator, not by a mad king but by simplicity - the simple but also too complex thing that is the capacity of putting ourselves together! 26/9/2005 Do what you MustThe sad expressions, painted with no colors at all - a black and white portrait of my days. My black and white days are sometimes painted by drops of ink, things that most of you won't really get because they're my own - every single thing is our own even when it's shared. Every now and then people change their way in an almost radical way, an attempt to renew themselves - they give space to new ideas, new behaviour, new dreams. My dreams aren't all new, they're mended pieces of dreams I had before. An adjustment here, a cut over there and yes, I dream and daydream every single day. Seasons pass, people are born, people die.. this is indeed our fate. We all know that we will die some day - maybe today, who knows? - and still all we can get out of life are banalities - a job, a car, house to live, nice clothes, a status quo.. where does our soul fit in the middle of it all, I ask? I work because I want to, because I somehow must and actually, because I usually enjoy it - being good at what I do. I won't work to cover the flaws in my self, I won't dress my soul in Armani and disguise its smell with Roberto Cavalli's eau de cologne (my favorite, by the way). No - I refuse to bend over to a world that lacks any real authority. My soul is my own, so is my body and my life - I'll do whatever the fuck I wish from it as long as it makes me feel good about it. 23/9/2005 Mornings..The day lights up again - my miscelania of feelings invades my soul for a change. Today I know exaclly how I woke up - some feelings from 2 days ago, from yesterday, from today, they all filled me up in this huge apparent good/evil mood - and arrogant, and with the strongest Ego!
Moving forward - or backwards - I finally admit the changes. No regrets and I feel I can be hit at any time, by any one.. to fall deeply and hopelessly, but it will take a lot of things from someone to accomplish such a thing - I've been too involved with too many lately to accept this idea lightly. 9/9/2005 Flavour of PerfectionTheir eyes stopped in each other's for a second. In that glimpse the flame called desired lit both their bodies. He kissed her neck as she grabbed him by the hair.. the sweat now formed in all corners of their skin, as she pushed him violently against the wall and kissed his already partially naked chest, too visible by his half buttoned shirt. His skin was soft and each kiss from her felt like a million bites of desire, each touch of her soft tongue, each passionate and deep look they switched.. He took her high in arms and gently laid her in his bed.. her skin and the soft sheets were made for each other, as much as both of them were too - too made for each other to be understood by the common mortal. They kissed again, their naked bodies in a single harmony, as if such a moment had never happened in their whole lives, as if the hand of perfect creation was present. L'arrogantI have my very own, very particular, very special way of seeing the world.
Not many people that crossed my road noticed this - let's be honest, not even people that supposedly loved me or that I supposedly loved back noticed it. I'm not mortal as most of them, I'm not flesh, bone, blood..
I'm just the inside, the light and darkness, the beyond.. too arrogant to waste my time and make you see the beyond.
In my lonely hours I contemplate the sky, the void in my eyes, the stars and beyond.. I wash my tears in their light, as if they're witnesses to my days of depression, joy, love and hate.
Hang on to your IQ...
I hate your mediocrity, your so-called philosophy of life, too cliché, too empty of content, too shit for me! You see, the disgrace is not mine, as I have my very own, very particular way of seeing things - I was born that way and never had to get pieces of spirituality, glue them together and pass them as my own..
I am my own prison, even if I'm to stand inside my cell alone for eternity, but I'll never be mediocre, I'll never be empty! |
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